For The Second Week Of Fitness, My Trainer Gave To Me...

...A world of pain, oh, woe is me...

But seriously, my second workout wasn’t that bad...or so I thought.

For my second workout, Angel (yes, I'm aware of the irony that my trainer’s name is Angel, but she tortures me like she’s straight out of the depths of hell) gave me what I thought was a fairly easy workout:

Warm Up 10 min

Step Ups 10# 15 reps each side
Side Squats ½ lane and back (approx 20 each way)
Wall Push-Ups 15 reps

Curtsey Squats 8# 15 reps each side
Free Motion Flys 15# 15 reps
Bent Over Rows 12# 15 reps

Do three power sets.

Seems easy enough right? That's what I thought too, but boy was I
W-R-O-N-G. I was fine all day, I had lots of energy, and I was feeling great. The next morning...

I could barely move. It hurt to stretch my legs, and it hurt to bend them. It hurt to sit down, and it hurt to stand up. It hurt to walk, and it hurt to stand still.

I have to walk up about 25 steps to get from the main floor of the gym to the area with the cardio equipment, weights, and express fitness machines. I swear to you, after staggering in the front doors that morning (barely holding back the tears); I think the staircase actually grew while I watched from the bottom step. It may have taken me ten minutes to get up those steps, but eventually I made it. I did that workout again, and when I woke up on the third day, I was still in pain. Yeah, what the hell? My legs still freaking hurt! I put special rubbing oil on them the night before, and I massaged them until my hands ached, but they were still sore. Nevertheless, I went again, and again on the fourth day. I was still hurting by the weekend, but I had three days to recover before my next meeting with Satin, I mean Angel.

Eventually, my legs quit hurting, and I was like a dopey puppy when I showed up for my next meeting, all memories of the pain of the last week wiped from my memory by the excitement of a new workout to try. I have gone back to that workout since that week, and have not had the same issues. A few days pain was definitely worth the benefit of smaller thighs, and a higher, firmer butt.

So what should you, my dear devoted readers (all two of you), take from this tale of misery and woe? Simple: no pain, no gain. Feel free to whine to anyone who will listen, even wallow in self-pity if that's your thing. However, there is one thing you cannot do. You cannot quit. I didn't quit. I will admit, I thought about burrowing under the covers every morning that week and just staying in bed all day, but what would that have accomplished? My legs would have still hurt, and there is no way I would have been able to fit back into my pre-baby jeans a few weeks later if I didn’t make myself get up and face the dragon. Every. Single. Morning.

Until next time...

The Treadmill Has The Power To Drive You Insane

OK, so I was going to write about the "Full Body Workout,” specifically the Double Leg Extensions, and just how much I truly hate them, but you know what? Yeah, they totally suck and hurt like a mother, but every day they hurt a little less, and every day I can put my legs down a little lower. The best part though, is today, when I was done, I just sat up. Up until today, I had to pretty much roll off the bench, while trying not to draw attention to myself, and struggle back to a sitting position on the bench while my lungs, abs, and thighs burned and screamed at me. That alone was more of a workout than the whole rest of my routine.

So instead, I'm going to wax poetic about the treadmill, which is basically mind numbing and painfully boring. That is, unless you know its secrets...

When I started this whole fitness thing, I had only ever used the treadmill one-way: flat and as fast as I could go for as long as I could stand it. This time, it only took one day before I started to get bored. Not just ho-hum bored, but oh-my-fucking-god-just-shoot-me-in-the-head-and-throw-me-into-the-lake bored, and that, as everyone knows, is the kiss of death for motivation to work out. If you’re bored, you’re not coming back.

What can you do to make walking on a black rubber belt for two hours fun? Sure, I have my music going, but after a while, it just becomes audio Novocain. It makes it easy to ignore the protests from your muscles and allows you to push through your time and get to the shower, but how long can you really keep that up? A few days? Maybe a week or two? Not good enough! Don’t get me wrong, there is a certain relaxing Zen-like quality to staring at the ducks on the pond while your body automatically puts one foot in front of the other, your brain just clicks off, and your vision goes slightly fuzzy, but I want more.

The Right Foot

So that’s what I did. On Monday, I joined a gym. It’s not the first time, but hopefully the result will be a little different this time. Since Monday, I have gone every day but Wednesday, and have already lost 2.2 pounds. I can’t begin to tell you how good it feels to say that. I’ve told everyone.

In my next post...The “Full Body Workout”

Yes, I have seen the ninth ring of hell, and let me tell you, it has nothing on the Double Leg Extension.

Until next time......