The Treadmill Has The Power To Drive You Insane

OK, so I was going to write about the "Full Body Workout,” specifically the Double Leg Extensions, and just how much I truly hate them, but you know what? Yeah, they totally suck and hurt like a mother, but every day they hurt a little less, and every day I can put my legs down a little lower. The best part though, is today, when I was done, I just sat up. Up until today, I had to pretty much roll off the bench, while trying not to draw attention to myself, and struggle back to a sitting position on the bench while my lungs, abs, and thighs burned and screamed at me. That alone was more of a workout than the whole rest of my routine.

So instead, I'm going to wax poetic about the treadmill, which is basically mind numbing and painfully boring. That is, unless you know its secrets...

When I started this whole fitness thing, I had only ever used the treadmill one-way: flat and as fast as I could go for as long as I could stand it. This time, it only took one day before I started to get bored. Not just ho-hum bored, but oh-my-fucking-god-just-shoot-me-in-the-head-and-throw-me-into-the-lake bored, and that, as everyone knows, is the kiss of death for motivation to work out. If you’re bored, you’re not coming back.

What can you do to make walking on a black rubber belt for two hours fun? Sure, I have my music going, but after a while, it just becomes audio Novocain. It makes it easy to ignore the protests from your muscles and allows you to push through your time and get to the shower, but how long can you really keep that up? A few days? Maybe a week or two? Not good enough! Don’t get me wrong, there is a certain relaxing Zen-like quality to staring at the ducks on the pond while your body automatically puts one foot in front of the other, your brain just clicks off, and your vision goes slightly fuzzy, but I want more.